Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
