can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
