so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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