We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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