Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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