just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
