Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just had sex on a roof
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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