I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
