i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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