he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
