just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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