I skipped work to stalk him.
I looked at my own cervix.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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