Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
