Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
