and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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