yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
