I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
