I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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