i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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