i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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