the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
