You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
