Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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