Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
