So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cat gives me a boner
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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