I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
