Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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