Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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