In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
