Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I will die if light touches me.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
