Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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