I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
