Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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