Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
