Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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