that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
