he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize