Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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