My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
