i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
