"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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