Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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