The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize