i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we're chasing vodka with high fives
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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