my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
someone owes me an orgasm
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need water and some morals
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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