i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
as a side note pls kill me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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