I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
