You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
