You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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