Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
