WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As shirtless as possible
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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