Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
