Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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