you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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