Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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