your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
