Im at strip club and am horny
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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