batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
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