we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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