Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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