I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
