You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
