mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
