Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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