Operation Purity has been aborted
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
