My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
