I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
