i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
