But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
