Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
