The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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