Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
