Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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