I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I AM VODKA MAN
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
