is your mom at the bar?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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