first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
