The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
